Stuff My Girlfriend Yells

Anonymous asked: Dear GF,
I love your yelling. It speaks what I can't. But tell me, why do you yell? How do you yell? Where did/does the yell come from? What is the yell? How can you promise me you'll never stop yellage?
Wounds Lanced in Lansing, MI

Dear Wounds,

Thanks for bleedin’ on down this way. My yelling speaks for many, nay, ALL. Why do I yell? Sheeeet, the real question is, why don’t YOU yell. YOU CAN DO IT, FRIEND! My yelling comes from an unhealthy combination of disgust/exasperation/rage at the state of stupid in our world. That’s stoopid, with two “oo”s. It is sprinkled with a dash of indignation by the fact that NO ONE ELSE IS YELLING. It only makes me yell LOUDER. 

I yell with a strong voice, either fired at the television or while giving cock-eye to my fellow man. Always with some sort of finger gesture. It helps to direct anger. I suggest you try this technique at home first. Legend has it that I sprang from the womb a-yelling and it never stopped. As long as there are fucking morons in the world, I promise the yelling will not cease. 

Keep it loud, Yelling GF