Stuff My Girlfriend Yells

My girlfriend is an intelligent, beautiful, determined woman and my best friend. She is the most principled person I know.

This blog is an attempt to chronicle the ridiculousness that spews from her mouth daily.

Thanks for visiting,
- the bf

New! Ask her a question

Jan 25 ’10

Anonymous asked: Dear Yelling GF,
I've been dating this girl for some time now, and most everything is pretty great, except.... She has always been very tender, but one the third time we had sex, she grabbed me by the throat and and choked the shit out of me. She can't get off without me passing out but didn't want to tell me earlier for risk of scaring me. I went along at first but now I freaked and she says me choking her is abuse. Is this unfair? I'm not sexually experienced so I don't know if this is normal. Please help.
Gasping in Guernsey

Dear Gasping,

You’re gonna do a lot more gasping — for pussy — unless we figure this shit out. So you’re inexperienced. Here’s a tip: there’s some crazy bitches out there and crazy bitches like crazy bitch things in bed. This isn’t a problem, if you’re up for it. So you’ve got to decide: do you want normal bitch or do you want crazy bitch?

Now, choking is not that is not that uncommon under the crazy bitch umbrella of requests. It’s not like she’s asking you to fuck while the dog watches. She wants to choke you. You okay with it? Good, fine, it’s not abuse. NOT okay with it? You tell that bitch to fuck off.

You want to choke HER all of a sudden — what’s that all about? If you spring this shit on her and she’s all up for it, then go crazy with your buck wild choking. But if she’s not okay with it, you’ll have to find yourself an even CRAZIER bitch.

Moral of this story? It’s only abuse if the other person isn’t going to come from it.

2 notes

Jan 24 ’10
“Yeah it’ll be funny, especially if people start asking me legitimate questions. I’ll be like a twisted Dear Abby.”
My girlfriend on the fact that people can now ask questions by visiting: http://www.stuffmygirlfriendyells.com/ask

Jan 21 ’10
“I mean these guys were flaming, no, anally gay, and…”
My girlfriend begins a story.

3 notes

Jan 21 ’10
leannbailey: I miss you. “What, you miss setting little black girls on fire?”

leannbailey: I miss you.

“What, you miss setting little black girls on fire?”

4 notes (via leannbailey)

Jan 20 ’10
“Alabama, Mississippi — mirror images of each other: two sides of the same gross.”
My girlfriend on the gems of the southern United States.

Jan 19 ’10
“Being a diplomat gets you nowhere, except up someone’s ass.”
My girlfriend on what some have considered a noble professional.

1 note

Jan 18 ’10
“Hey what!? That’s a run-on sentence! When I yell, I use PROPER punctuation. You can HEAR that exclamation mark!”
My girlfriend, the grammarian.

Jan 17 ’10
“You better start posting; you’re only makin’ me yell louder!”
My girlfriend on the shortage of new yell blog posts lately.

Jan 6 ’10
“Whatever, I have a cold and phlegm is NOT the same thing as wiped ass paper!”
My girlfriend in response to my remark, “You talking about the weird spongy grey stuff coming out of your throat when you cough is about as gross as me talking about the process of wiping my ass.”

Jan 5 ’10
“All that’s telling me is guys at Penn State like to fuck bleeding vag. Why don’t you just put j-cloth on the end of your dick, do two things at once? Dammit!”
My girlfriend in reaction to this quote from This American Life.